


How Humans Break Hearts

by tide_ms



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 04:16:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9583202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tide_ms/pseuds/tide_ms
Summary: Annie corrects a mistake with a mistake.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [geckoholic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/gifts).



> \- I had that thing Annie said to Marlo, something along the lines "Think of me as a human", in mind while writing this, but your letter helped a lot, so thank you for giving nice prompts.
> 
> \- Thank you to (Samuraiter) for beta-ing. Any remaining mistakes and typos are mine.

 

 

The first time Annie felt something toward Mikasa was the first time Annie got to know something she had not been looking for.

Mikasa was a good soldier, the best the army had seen in a long while, and one whom Annie had already considered a threat, but when Mikasa approached her one day after she finished sparring with Mina, Annie got to see beyond the perfect soldier.

"You haven't let her win once." Mikasa told her, the fading rays of the sunset casting a soft aura around her, in her posture, and that softness was almost evident in her voice. "I thought you would have by now."

Annie did not care about auras. Her mission depended on details, and she had found plenty about Mikasa. Yet it seemed that seeing Mikasa with this hint of emotions in her eyes was something Annie had not been prepared to witness. "What made you think that?" With furrowed brows, she asked, noticing Eren and Armin pretending to be busy.

"You care about her," Mikasa answered her. "I thought you would want to make her happy with her improvement, but I was wrong." Mikasa blushed, her lips quivering with the ghost of a smile. "But you care enough to show her the truth, she still needs more if she wants to survive the Titans," she said, and added. "I think doing that is a good thing, I would do the same."

She was already doing the same, at least when Eren agreed to spar with her.

Annie saw it right then. The resemblance the two of them shared and how big it was. Mikasa was weighed down by a mission, too, a different one from hers, but much too familiar to the one Annie had to call a mission just to fool herself into believing that helping Mina sharpen her skills did not mean she had been distracted from her goal by a passing friendship.

The resemblance was comforting enough that Annie could not unsee it any more.

  
After that day, Annie often found herself accidentally staring at Mikasa, and it didn't stop at that because Mikasa would not let it. Because Mikasa would look at her, too, sometimes with observant eyes, sometimes with lingering ones. Annie realized this when training got harder and trainees started to leave again - without a word, without as much as leaving traces of their presence in the training yard, in the dorm. Just like the weak who left the first year, they left, and they left a huge space for the remaining trainees to fill. To get closer through.

So, with a different purpose now, with different eyes, Annie got to see more of Mikasa. More of her swift movements, more of the invisible lines she drew with her blades, with her punches and kicks, with her body as she pierced through the air in rainy days until Annie was intrigued to know exactly what kind of fire had been fueling Mikasa's strength. To _feel_... that strength with the tips of her fingers, with her lips and tongue.

Annie really wanted to know, and Mikasa was close. Annie wanted, and she should not want, so she distanced herself and willed the unfamiliar feeling to die, but it was already too late by then because a soft warmth had sneaked up on her, settled in the pit of her stomach, and reminded her how much of a human she was.

  
And by the time Annie started to dream of black hair and crimson scarf more often than she would like, It had become easier for her to keep staring when Mikasa caught her eyes as all of them were sharing rare laughter in the common hall. It had become easier to identify what kind of hunger Mikasa had created within her. It was an unfamiliar sensation, inescapable, and Annie wanted to fulfill it.

She should not be feeling like this, she should not want to feel like this, but there was something that Annie had not known, something that no one had told her to be wary of. The thing about feelings, when they are created by someone else, was that they were controlled by said someone, and Annie's someone was Mikasa. And Mikasa was relentless in capturing Annie's attention without even trying.

(It was because of moments like when Mikasa's name was being called, when Annie caught her shadow from the corner of her eyes in training, and when they were in showers and Mikasa bared down not only her body, but her exhaustion as well and Annie could not help but notice it, _understand it_ , while everyone else was too tired to do so.)

  
It was because of moments like these that got on Annie's nerves until one day she ran out of all the should-not and could-not that she had been using to ignore her own needs and sought Mikasa after the night practice finished.

They were making their way back through the forest to the base when Annie blocked Mikasa's path and forced her to land on the ground.

Annie was on top of her instantly after removing the belt holding her gas cylinders with swift hands, all thoughts about how this might risk her mission vanishing into the warmth of Mikasa under her. Her forearm rested on Mikasa's chest, she stared at Mikasa's wide eyes and searched for anything that could make the need in her core disappear, but, from the dim light the lanterns scattered all over the forest had provided, she could see only confusion followed by calmness on Mikasa's features.

Mikasa's body relaxed under her weight. "Is something wrong?"

"I've seen the way you look at me," she spoke through gritted teeth because it was Mikasa's fault she had been focusing on anything but her goal.

"I've seen the way you look at me." Mikasa's voice was as calm as ever, lacking the softness Annie once heard, her eyes were now confronting, and Annie did not want to hide from them. Her lips were inviting, and her hands that reached to firmly pull Annie down were weakening. "So what are you going to do a--?"

Annie kissed Mikasa before she could finish, and between Mikasa removing her gear and settling on top of her once she finished, Annie had found it in her that she did not want to stop because kissing Mikasa, kissing Mikasa's skin felt like kissing fire, and Annie wanted to be consumed by it.

 

Too focused on how fulfilling Mikasa's weight felt, on muffled gasps and shaky hands unbuckling belts, Annie did not try to understand why being with Mikasa in that human way might harm her mission.

 

But later, though, when morning came with chirps of birds and Annie stayed on her bed just a little longer because the sweet haze that dangerously settled in her whole being made her yearn for more of Mikasa's touch, of Mikasa's warmth. When Mikasa looked at her and faintly blushed with something that looked like a smile on her lips, causing warm flutters to twist in Annie's stomach, Annie found that her need was for Mikasa, and not a good fuck with Mikasa, and that was the very mistake she had been warned not to make.

Fixing such a mistake should be easy, if it was someone else other than Mikasa, if Mikasa did not smile into her neck as her climax subsided, and if Annie did not lazily bury her fingers into soft, ruffled hair to keep Mikasa close to her just a little more.

So, angrily, Annie understood why she needed to hurt Mikasa now instead of later, when she would betray her.

 

It wasn't a hard thing to do, ignoring Mikasa so obviously after spending a night in each other's welcomed comfort until the black haired girl stopped looking at her. And the confusion showing in Mikasa's eyes, the anger and whatever it was that tugged at Annie's heart more than once did not fill Annie with remorse for causing unneeded ache, for surrendering to her feelings and desires in the first place because humans were selfish, weak, and cold-hearted, and Annie was one of them.

  
At least, that was what Annie hoped Mikasa would think of her from now on.

 

 


End file.
